Two years. Two continents. Two flights. And I become the new girl in the city. Paris. The city of lights, the city of love. I once wrote down the 101 things I wanted to do before I die, and one of them was to live in Paris. Little did I know then, that wish would finally come true.
Like all new things which happen to me, moving to Paris brought a mixed emotion. I was nervous, anxious, excited—all at the same time. On one hand, I was sad to leave Bangalore, the city which was like my second home, where I started my professional career, where I dreamt dreams of the future, where I planned to settle down and start my family. On the other hand, I was bored being at the same place, going to the same office, and living at the same house. Kind of like running on a treadmill—you run and run but go nowhere. I wanted a change of place, a change of context. And Paris happened.
After wrapping up my life in Bangalore in six suitcases and four cartons, I landed in Paris with a clean slate—not expecting anything (since nothing goes as per my expectations anyway), ready to delve into work and enjoy the city to the fullest. After my last one month stint here, I was sure at least the city won’t let me down.
Then started the process of “settling down”. The legalities, the financials, bank accounts, and the biggest monster of them all—house hunting. By now I am used to the fact that I don’t get anything easily in life, and obviously what I want will not be what I get. So I was ready to slug it out all over again. And then, something changed. I don’t know if it was just a random case of luck or it was the city, but everything started falling into place. Contrary to my expectations, I found a lovely house in a beautiful part of the city. The agent was a gem and she helped me set up almost everything. And then, lo and behold, I got a friend. A friend who was there every single time I needed someone, even when I did not say it out aloud. And before I knew it, I was home. Weekends were packed with activities—pubs, movies, visiting beautiful places. I didn’t even know movies were released here in English, although with French subtitles. I was planning trips, I was going shopping with friends, I even figured out the French sizes for clothing and shoes. Life couldn’t have been better.
But life is full of surprises and for the first time, my life didn’t stop at being better.
I fell in love…something which I thought would never happen to me again. Falling in love in the city of love? Too dramatic? It doesn’t end there. It’s a love story Bollywood would fall in love with. Two people completely different, yet feeling a heart-felt bond. Two people from completely different backgrounds, yet sharing the same beliefs. Two people who don’t speak the same language, but understand each other without a word being spoken. And the entire world against them. Stuff dreams, and Bollywood movies, are made of.
Two cities. Two worlds. Two months. I am no more the new girl in the city. But a lot of new things are happening in my life. I am not thinking about the future, I am not planning anymore. But its as if all the things I ever dreamt of are coming true one by one. That’ll do for now. I have now realized how futile the expression “the pursuit of happiness” is. If the turn of events is anything to go by, happiness follows when you stop chasing it. I don’t know what the future will bring. But today, right now, as I write down these words, I am happy.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Friendship=X
We all grew up learning “A friend in need is a friend indeed.” There are a lot of people who will be with you when you are happy, or celebrating; but the real friends are those who you can count on in the darkest hours. Someone who will be there with you when you are sad and lonely, when nothing in the world is going right, when you are sick, when you are caught in an emergency, or even if there is a sudden rodent attack in your house. These same people are also the ones who would smile with you in your happy times, make you feel special on your birthday, celebrate when you get a raise, or just ‘do nothing’ with you on a lazy Sunday. This is my idea of friendship, and books, newspapers, the television, movies, people around, everyone seem to agree with it, at least in principle.
But when we come to the practical world, how many of us know even one person who lives up to the definition of a friend? It is true that idealism doesn’t have a place in the real world, and like there is no ideal person, there can be no ideal friend? Given all that, is it still so difficult to be 20% of the ideal?
There are so many different types of friends these days.
1)Lets Meet Up friends: There are friends who you just go out with—to parties, to movies, and just to hang out . They guarantee a great fun time, but never ever ever try to get serious or sentimental/emotional with them. They only want to see the happy-smiley side of you.
2)Hi-Hello friends: There are the “hi-hello” friends, who you just keep face with as you might bump into them in a common friend’s party. Conversations rarely ever get beyond “Whats up?” or “How are you?”
3)Frenemies: There are friends who are really enemies disguised as friends. I read a newspaper article which terms them “frenemies”. These frenemies will be absolutely sweet to you, will show you that they care, but in truth, all they are doing is ruining some part of your life behind your back. The “stabbed-in-the-back” feeling is most associated with them.
4)FBs: These days you also have fuck buddies. These are people with whom you have a “no strings attached”, purely physical relationship. I feel horrible even saying the term. What can be more derogatory than treating someone like an object and then calling him/her a “buddy”?
5)2 am friends: These are people whom you probably know for a long long time, but don’t meet often. Yet, when at odd hours when you can’t sleep and need to talk to someone, you can always give them a call, without any fear of rebuke.
6)IM friends: These are people with whom you have an excellent conversation over Instant Messaging/internet chat, but whenever there is a face-to-face meeting, the conversation runs dry. Infact, you do not even want to meet them in person. They are very good to pass away that idle evening when you have no plans to go out anywhere.
7)Facebook friends: This is the funniest. People who have never met you and probably don’t even know your last name, can be added to your “friends” list. A list which runs longer than your annual grocery bill maybe. The more names you have in your list, the more popular you are supposed to be. One of my friends has 514, and still keeps saying he is very lonely. Hard to imagine why!!
8)Chuddy buddies: They are your childhood friends. People you grew up with, your first best friend from nursery who managed to keep in touch with you. Even when you meet them after ages, you can strike up a conversation as if you had just met yesterday. That’s the special quality of chuddy buddies; and they’ll always wish you well. Rare and lucky are those who have such friends.
9)Best friend: I am still trying to figure out who a “best friend” is. When we were kids, it was so easy to define. The kid who sat next to you in class, with whom you shared your tiffin, and probably went back home in the same bus. The one for whom you would make a birthday card, and save your special chocolates for. But now, with our lives so complex, how do we know who is a best friend? Is he the person who’ll be with you all your life? Is he going to be super-critical of your wrongdoings, yet provide a shoulder to lean on when you cry? What is the ONE quality that would separate him from everyone else and make him special—“best”? I still don’t know…
I have long given up my search for a true friend. Like most of my other pursuits in life, this also seemed to be really idealistic and hence futile. We do have to live with all these kinds of friends, whether we like it or not. Everything changes, and so does people in our lives…they also come and go. So there’s no point fretting over who will last and who won’t. Its good enough to have a friend who’ll drop you to the airport at 4 am; or someone who’ll just loan you 50K in a blink so that you can buy something you really wanted; or someone who’ll write funny emails to you just to brighten up your day; or someone who’ll agree to spend a whole day in a govt. office to get your work done. Its better to see the silver lining. Friendship is that special ‘x’ factor that makes your life at least tolerable. I am lucky enough.
But when we come to the practical world, how many of us know even one person who lives up to the definition of a friend? It is true that idealism doesn’t have a place in the real world, and like there is no ideal person, there can be no ideal friend? Given all that, is it still so difficult to be 20% of the ideal?
There are so many different types of friends these days.
1)Lets Meet Up friends: There are friends who you just go out with—to parties, to movies, and just to hang out . They guarantee a great fun time, but never ever ever try to get serious or sentimental/emotional with them. They only want to see the happy-smiley side of you.
2)Hi-Hello friends: There are the “hi-hello” friends, who you just keep face with as you might bump into them in a common friend’s party. Conversations rarely ever get beyond “Whats up?” or “How are you?”
3)Frenemies: There are friends who are really enemies disguised as friends. I read a newspaper article which terms them “frenemies”. These frenemies will be absolutely sweet to you, will show you that they care, but in truth, all they are doing is ruining some part of your life behind your back. The “stabbed-in-the-back” feeling is most associated with them.
4)FBs: These days you also have fuck buddies. These are people with whom you have a “no strings attached”, purely physical relationship. I feel horrible even saying the term. What can be more derogatory than treating someone like an object and then calling him/her a “buddy”?
5)2 am friends: These are people whom you probably know for a long long time, but don’t meet often. Yet, when at odd hours when you can’t sleep and need to talk to someone, you can always give them a call, without any fear of rebuke.
6)IM friends: These are people with whom you have an excellent conversation over Instant Messaging/internet chat, but whenever there is a face-to-face meeting, the conversation runs dry. Infact, you do not even want to meet them in person. They are very good to pass away that idle evening when you have no plans to go out anywhere.
7)Facebook friends: This is the funniest. People who have never met you and probably don’t even know your last name, can be added to your “friends” list. A list which runs longer than your annual grocery bill maybe. The more names you have in your list, the more popular you are supposed to be. One of my friends has 514, and still keeps saying he is very lonely. Hard to imagine why!!
8)Chuddy buddies: They are your childhood friends. People you grew up with, your first best friend from nursery who managed to keep in touch with you. Even when you meet them after ages, you can strike up a conversation as if you had just met yesterday. That’s the special quality of chuddy buddies; and they’ll always wish you well. Rare and lucky are those who have such friends.
9)Best friend: I am still trying to figure out who a “best friend” is. When we were kids, it was so easy to define. The kid who sat next to you in class, with whom you shared your tiffin, and probably went back home in the same bus. The one for whom you would make a birthday card, and save your special chocolates for. But now, with our lives so complex, how do we know who is a best friend? Is he the person who’ll be with you all your life? Is he going to be super-critical of your wrongdoings, yet provide a shoulder to lean on when you cry? What is the ONE quality that would separate him from everyone else and make him special—“best”? I still don’t know…
I have long given up my search for a true friend. Like most of my other pursuits in life, this also seemed to be really idealistic and hence futile. We do have to live with all these kinds of friends, whether we like it or not. Everything changes, and so does people in our lives…they also come and go. So there’s no point fretting over who will last and who won’t. Its good enough to have a friend who’ll drop you to the airport at 4 am; or someone who’ll just loan you 50K in a blink so that you can buy something you really wanted; or someone who’ll write funny emails to you just to brighten up your day; or someone who’ll agree to spend a whole day in a govt. office to get your work done. Its better to see the silver lining. Friendship is that special ‘x’ factor that makes your life at least tolerable. I am lucky enough.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Love—In Memoriam
February is here. The month I was born, the month of love and romance. No wonder I am a hopeless romantic. Blame February.
Our generation is fixated with love. As one of my friends had said, we were a generation who grew up watching these sappy romantic love stories, and I couldn’t agree with her more. We somehow got this ingrained into our belief system, that “someone, somewhere, was made for everyone” and one day we shall find that someone, in spite of all the adversities, and we’ll live happily ever after. I will be officially old in a fortnight, and I still haven’t found that someone. I doubt I ever will.
The first guy who had the balls to declare his love for me did not really get the answer he had hoped for. We were in high school then. These so-called “proposals” were a big thing back in those days. Amidst a lot of fanfare and evident preparation the guy said those three magic words to me, “I love you”. A normal fourteen year old girl would’ve swooned, or been ecstatic, or nervous, or would’ve at least had a blushing smile on her face. But my reaction to this innocent declaration of love was, “Dude, do you even know what love means?” The poor guy was so flabbergasted he didn’t know what to say and promptly fled the scene.
Although my friends still laugh, when we look back at that day, I sometimes wonder, was I right in saying those things to him? Did I know then what love meant? Do I know even today, what love is? Maybe that day, that guy cursed me so bad, that I am still figuring out this crappy mess called ‘love’, with no luck, I might add.
I have never freely used the word ‘love’, in the verb form at least; when I can make do with so many other words like ‘like’, ‘admire’, ‘respect’, ‘emotional connect’ etcetera. It feels as if love, the word, was like a beautiful dress gifted to me. It was so beautiful and precious to me that I nicely wrapped it up and stored it in the upper-most shelf of my cupboard, which I rarely look into. And its been lying there for years. Now, when I finally took it out to wear it, its all ragged and moth-eaten. I ruined it. Did I reserve it for so long, that now I might never get to use it again?
I used to be a silly little girl who used to believe in fairy tales. I waited for my Prince Charming and he never came. I think I waited too long. The fairy tale, even if it was only in my mind, is over. Life is not a Cinderella story. It is time to come down from the towered palace and face the practicalities.
I may not be able to define love, but I know it exists, even if in short supply. Love is like a precious metal or a limited resource. So all those who have it or think they have it, please do not squander it away.
As for me, I would say, forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.
Happy Valentines’ Month, everyone.
Our generation is fixated with love. As one of my friends had said, we were a generation who grew up watching these sappy romantic love stories, and I couldn’t agree with her more. We somehow got this ingrained into our belief system, that “someone, somewhere, was made for everyone” and one day we shall find that someone, in spite of all the adversities, and we’ll live happily ever after. I will be officially old in a fortnight, and I still haven’t found that someone. I doubt I ever will.
The first guy who had the balls to declare his love for me did not really get the answer he had hoped for. We were in high school then. These so-called “proposals” were a big thing back in those days. Amidst a lot of fanfare and evident preparation the guy said those three magic words to me, “I love you”. A normal fourteen year old girl would’ve swooned, or been ecstatic, or nervous, or would’ve at least had a blushing smile on her face. But my reaction to this innocent declaration of love was, “Dude, do you even know what love means?” The poor guy was so flabbergasted he didn’t know what to say and promptly fled the scene.
Although my friends still laugh, when we look back at that day, I sometimes wonder, was I right in saying those things to him? Did I know then what love meant? Do I know even today, what love is? Maybe that day, that guy cursed me so bad, that I am still figuring out this crappy mess called ‘love’, with no luck, I might add.
I have never freely used the word ‘love’, in the verb form at least; when I can make do with so many other words like ‘like’, ‘admire’, ‘respect’, ‘emotional connect’ etcetera. It feels as if love, the word, was like a beautiful dress gifted to me. It was so beautiful and precious to me that I nicely wrapped it up and stored it in the upper-most shelf of my cupboard, which I rarely look into. And its been lying there for years. Now, when I finally took it out to wear it, its all ragged and moth-eaten. I ruined it. Did I reserve it for so long, that now I might never get to use it again?
I used to be a silly little girl who used to believe in fairy tales. I waited for my Prince Charming and he never came. I think I waited too long. The fairy tale, even if it was only in my mind, is over. Life is not a Cinderella story. It is time to come down from the towered palace and face the practicalities.
I may not be able to define love, but I know it exists, even if in short supply. Love is like a precious metal or a limited resource. So all those who have it or think they have it, please do not squander it away.
As for me, I would say, forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.
Happy Valentines’ Month, everyone.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)